shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
