i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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