I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
