Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
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just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
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Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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