Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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