i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
