I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
