I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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