he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
