Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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