I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
