How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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