I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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