I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
