I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dignity is for republicans.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
