So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize