New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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