I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
