everyone is single if you try hard enough
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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