Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
