Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
