she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
