its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
