you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
