I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
