why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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