just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
