the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
