I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
