please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I need a beard to bite.
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