I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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