he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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