why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
