when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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