I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
