Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
this boner is exhausting
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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