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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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