Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
