we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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