Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
