No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
