We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
