I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
