It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
