Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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