Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
