Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
