apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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