I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
