literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
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I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
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You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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