I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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