And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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