I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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