Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
