didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
