i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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