TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
