Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
