Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
