In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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