dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
