Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
