We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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