took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Im part way to drunk.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
