Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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