uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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