she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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