apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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