I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
