I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
