Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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