Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
