hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize