A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
