Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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