i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
