why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
